The Story of A Girl (A Section of "The Criminal in the Room"*)

I didn’t know what to call the girl because I won’t say her real name. Her strong character and resilience teaches us all, so I shall call her “T.”

T was very young when she was molested by a priest.  The crimes took place in various places, at various times. She was in the parish school so she saw him all the time.

T didn’t tell anyone for years. In her description of events, she recounted what so many women do:  she was traumatized into silence. The memories came back when a normal act (revisiting the old church) shook memories loose.

I call it traumatized into silence because most victims use words like shame, guilt, and fear.  It’s stunning and topsy-turvy how everyone felt these feelings. The perps are the guilty ones; the victims are harmed but our psyche doesn’t record accurately.

As an adult, after the memories invaded her consciousness, and because the priest was gone, T made the generous decision she would not tell her parents. She felt they were victims, too, and wanted to spare them the pain.

Then the priest returned to town.

T told her family. They not only didn’t believe her; they stopped speaking to her – even though others came forward and said the same priest had assaulted them.

Again, this is all so common – not because her story isn’t important by itself - I mean it happens so often. People trivialize the crime; they rationalize, overlook, refuse to hear it.

To me, denying the crime is acting as an accomplice – knowingly or unknowingly. In denial, sympathy goes to the perp, not the victim where it belongs.

Ironically, at least for T, she didn’t receive the support and safety she needed as a child, or the still much-needed support when she told her parents as an adult, but people sometimes ask intrusive questions at inappropriate times even now.

Odd. We blame the victim, protect some perps, and then push our way in uninvited.

Much of T’s experience has happened to many others. Her resiliency and tenacity is especially strong, and appears to influence or at least partially contribute to her known humane ways. She is a generous and thoughtful person. In her case, I’d say she is surviving beautifully.

See also: The Story of a Mother  https://keepthinkingforyourself.blogspot.com/2018/09/the-story-of-mother-section-to-criminal.html

* https://keepthinkingforyourself.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-criminal-in-room_4452.html