The Story of a Mother (section to "The Criminal in the Room"*)

Nothing good ever comes from being awakened in the middle of the night. It’s always news of someone dying, being hurt, or another disaster.

It’s never good news.

This mother almost never talks about her child being victimized by a child molester. She wants her story told but lives in fear of her family being identified. I’ve done what I can (I hope) to not reveal anything that would identify anyone in the family.

This is her story, her words:

My children woke me up about 1:00 a.m. and didn’t respond immediately to my groggy, “What’s wrong?”

The older, less afraid child said, “She has something to tell you.”

When her younger sibling didn’t say anything, she added, “She thinks ___ is molesting her. I told her we have to tell you.”

[To me, the elder sibling is a hero. She was young enough to shy away from it, or dismiss it, or just declare she wanted to sleep. She didn’t.]

Back to the mom’s words: 

Since no one believed me when “it” happened to me, my first thought was, “I have to let her know I believe her.”

It amazes me how differently we recall that night. They remember I was groggy and said, “I want coffee.” I remember thinking this is too important to handle until I’m more awake and alert. I wanted to handle it so carefully, so I said I had to make coffee and that everything would be okay.

I fear they thought talking about coffee and my very few words until later somehow trivialized it.

It wasn’t trivial. It changed all our lives. I cry when I think about it, all these many years later.

[…much more, not included at this time…]

MY COMMENTARY:

Believing the child is important as well as making them feel safe. Taking action is important, too, so they know you will stand up for/with them. This mother seemed to do that but still feels guilty. She shared, at other times, that she felt guilty because she didn’t figure out what was going on. Again, we see the victims – in this case, secondary – feeling guilty. It’s one of the reasons I consider this such a crime. It affects everyone who loves the child and even those who just know the child. Its evil is pervasive, and I don’t think that is hyperbole.

See also: The Story of a Girl https://keepthinkingforyourself.blogspot.com/2018/09/the-story-of-girl-section-of-criminal.html

* https://keepthinkingforyourself.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-criminal-in-room_4452.html